I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
