he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
