Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
cat food counts as protein by the way
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
