he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
