I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
