he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
