And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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