I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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