Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
