Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
