i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
