My first STD was from a foam party
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
