I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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