Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
