So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
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well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
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i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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