I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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