you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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