butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
