So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
