No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
