Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Randomize
