Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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