hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
