is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
