i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
