so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Operation Purity has been aborted
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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