Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
