i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
