I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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