Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize