Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
