Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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