do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
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As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
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30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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