What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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