I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
