Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
