You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I should be sponsored by Trojan
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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