she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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