I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
