this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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