Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
