Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
you never un-have a 4some
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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