the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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