Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
