I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She bit a glass in half.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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