The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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