apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
