what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
