I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
