FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
