i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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