just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
