I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
