to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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