If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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