I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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