just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
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I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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