I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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