He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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