fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
