I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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