Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Drunk is not a location!
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