it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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