hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
