o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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