Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
