i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
