ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
