Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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