I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
