Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
