where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
