what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
