I heard we made out
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize