FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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