i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
