Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
