this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
