You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
