Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
