There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
