So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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