I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
