Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
